Chapter 5

Reclaim Your Personal Power

Due to their childhood negligience, Nice Guys experience a victim feeling. They feel frustrated, helpless, resentful and rageful. Instead of going for the long route of struggle and improvement and facing the situation, Nice Guys opt for defence mechanisms.

You feel good when you get what you want, and not because act good, caretake, love and have a problem free life. Living life means struggle and fighting, and consider it good. Consider yourself as a player in a game.

As a consequence of playing it safe, Nice Guys experience a lot of needless suffering.

Suffering because they avoid new situations.

Suffering because they stay with the familiar.

Suffering because they procrastinate, avoid, and fail to finish what they start. Suffering because they make a bad situation worse by doing more of what has never worked in the past.

Suffering because they expend so much energy trying to control the uncontrollable.

How to overcome the Wimp Factor:

  • Surrendering: letting go of what can’t be done, and focussing on what could be done.
  • Dwelling in reality: Nice Guys make their beliefs and view them as accurate. Break these beliefs.
  • Expressing feelings: As a child they learned that by giving too intensive feelings, they were either abandoned or not given attention. So they learned to lid down their emotions tightly and not attract too much negative attention.
Take responsibility for what you’re feeling.
  • Facing fears:

    They believe that if they do anyting wrong, it would have everlasting consequences.

    Beieve in the following mantra:

          • No matter what happens, I can handle it.
  • Developing integrity.Telling lies and withholding the truth robs Nice Guys of their personal power.

    Be harsh, but be honest. Say what you feel, let the other person get hurted, its not in your control.

    DEFINITION OF INTEGRITY: DECIDING WHAT FEELS RIGHT AND DOING IT.

  • Setting boundaries: helps Nice Guys to claim their personal power. But think like anti-fragile, this stability is temporary.

Okay here is an experiment, evaluate yourselves:

I demonstrate the concept of boundaries by laying a shoestring on the ground. I tell the Nice Guy that I am going to cross his boundary and push him backwards. I instruct him to stop me when he begins to feel uncomfortable. It is not unusual for a Nice Guy to stand well back from the line, allowing me to violate his space several steps before he even begins to respond. Once I start pushing, it’s not uncommon for a Nice Guy to let me push him back several steps before he does anything to stop me. Sometimes a Nice Guy will let me push him all the way to the wall.

They believe that if they take one step back, the other guy will stop pushing him. Basically being bullied.
Due to their childhood conditioning, they teach the people around them that they will
accept having their boundaries violated.

 

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Take A Walk On The Wild Side

There is no “key” to a smooth life. Being “good” or doing it “right” doesn’t insulate Nice Guys from the chaotic, ever-changing realities of life. All the Nice Guy paradigm does is create wimpy men who allow bullies to kick sand in their face or shame them for loading the dishwasher “wrong.”

 

Moving out of Nice-Guys zone, wouldn’t be a merry-go-round, it’s a roller coaster. Life won’t always be smooth, it may not always be pretty, but it will be an adventure– one not to be missed.

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